Sean and I were actually kind of optimistically hopeful for a few hours, until we met with the radioligist, Dr. H, who reminded us how grave the situation is. We elected to do an amniocentisis (big, fat needle in my belly), but when Dr. H tried to do it, Whitney's umbilical cord was in the way. The doctor told us he just did not want to take the risk, as our risks are already extremely elevated due to the lack of fluid. I appreciate his care and concern for our baby. Dr. H reiterated that Whitney will most likely not be born alive, and if she is, she will not live outside of the womb. Though I know it was difficult for him to say this, I appreciate his honesty. He said he has never seen anything like our situation, and of the situations that are somewhat similar to our's, he's very seldom had to deal with. I of course can't help but wonder, "Why us? Why our baby?" Its like the perfect storm of freak conditions. I guess I shouldn't be surprised... crazy, abnormally fast deterioration of my heart muscles when I was severly malnourished in high school... freak accident in college where I wound up being life-flighted from Mexico to San Diego.... freak accident again in college where I went arms first through my dorm room window, superman style... sigh.

Dr. H was encouraging in a couple of ways, however. He told us that many people he knew who have had pregnancy complications have gone on to have healthy, successful pregnancies in the future. That is what Sean and I are praying and hoping for. Dr. H also told us that he was very impressed with the way Sean and I were handling this whole situation. He said that our strength was very evident and our support of one another is unlike anything he's seen. He even said it brought tears to his eyes to see the way we are handling this all. If we'd been thinking, we'd have told him it was only because of our faith and hope in Christ... but neither of us thought fast enough to say that. We were just shocked that he said as much as he did. We're praying for Dr. H and believe that God can still use our situation and our belief in the sanctity of human life to impact Dr. H and his practice.

So what next? In two words... no clue. We were hoping for more clarity with this appointment, but really didn't get it. Well, that's not entirely true... the clarity we got is pretty much just that Whitney will not make it in this world. So now our quandry is, do we accept that as our clarification that we have been praying for? Or do we continue to hope for a miracle? Is it possible to do both at the same time? I am going to call my OBGYN tomorrow and see if he will continue to care for us during this pregnancy or if he will refer us on to a high risk dr. I'm hoping he will feel comfortable staying with us, because we really do like him.

Sean and I have felt a lot more peace today than we did at our last appointment, which is good. It still sucks and still hurts and is still so hard. But I am so thankful for my husband who is truly my partner in all of this.