Confessions Of A Recovering "Wanter"

Sunday, February 01, 2009

I've been to my fair share of AA meetings, so I know the drill.  It goes a little something like this:

Me: Hi, My name is Sheyenne and I am a greatful recovering (insert drug/behaviour of choice).
Group: Hi, Sheyenne.
Me: (Begin to divulge details of the week as they pertain to my failures or successes in living free from destructive behaviors.)

Its been years since I've been to an AA meeting, but I loved them.  A lot of my recovery is owed to the women I saw week after week share their stories.  I went to an open AA meeting (meaning all addictions/behaviours were welcome, not just alcoholics) Saturday for years.  At just 17, I was by FAR the youngest one there.  The oldest woman had to have been in her 80s.  I listened to women talk about their struggles, the hold of their addictions and the lives that their addictions had damaged.  It didn't take long for me to determine that I did not want to let my addiction have that kind of power over me for the rest of my life.  All of us were on different steps (in the 12-Step Program) but we worked them together.  I gained so much strength and wisdom from those women... I will never forget their faces, their stories, or the strength that they gave me.  It was through them and the Program that I learned God does not want us to live our lives in the bondage addiction.

Now, on a much different (and lighter) note, I have a new confession.... I am a "wanter."  I'm not near as bad as I was 10 years ago, but there are still those times when I just WANT things.  Silly things-- things I don't even really need!  I think if we were all really honest with ourselves, we are all recovering wanters, of one degree or another.  

Just like with all addictions, I could find ways to rationalize my 'need' for something.... oh, I need this new outfit because..... or, I need this artwork for our living room (afterall, the wall are so bare!).... or I need this new cell phone....I need.... I need......... I need.  In all honesty, I don't need anything.  I have more than I need and some of what I want.  However, despite my positive self-talk and resistance to this old habit, the ugly "wanting" beast reared its head this evening as I was watching "Jon & Kate Plus 8"... I know, of all shows!  No, I don't want 8 kids.  But have you seen their new house?!  Holy Cow!  Gorgeous!! Its in Pennsylvania (and you know how much I love the east), a simple, gorgeous estate with acreage and a house with a basement, 5+ bedrooms, multiple fire places, and a pool that is to die for.  It is simply stunning.  And then, it all began..... "I want a house like that someday!"  And then it all just snowballed.... I want, I want, I want

Sheesh!  I had to take a quick second to get myself in check again.... I have all that i need.  I am blessed to have a home, a loving family and an amazing husband.  Yes, there will always be things that I "want" in life.  But, those wantings don't have to take over my life or occupy my thoughts.  Don't get me wrong, its fun to look at things that I don't have and imagine what to do if I did have them.... but for the most part, I think my energies are better spent on something else.... like encouraging a friend who is down or thanking my husband for all the hard work he did outside today.  :-)

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2 Lovely Words

  1. I know just what you mean about wants! Thanks for that post-- it helped remind me of a few things. :)

  2. Wow-- so after I read your post, I headed off to church, where Andy Stanley spoke on this exact subject! It will probably be available on Northpoint's website later this week-- I highly suggest you check it out. 1) because I know you love Andy Stanley as a pastor; 2) because it relates to what you talked about; and 3) because he also tells a hilarious story in the middle of the sermon, regarding his wife buying (well, NOT buying) a suit.


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