First A Wife, Then A Mom

Saturday, June 02, 2012

"You're done for tonight until its time to nurse Gia. Why don't you go take a bath?" Those were the beautiful words my husband said to me tonight as he began feeding Gia the dinner he had already prepared for her. What beautiful words to a tired momma! I am so blessed to not only have a loving husband but also a hands on baby daddy.

As I was soaking in my warm bath, filled with hot water and eucalyptus/peppermint oils, I thought about how lousy a job I've been doing lately of loving my husband first. This wasn't a woe-is-me, Debby-downer session. Nope, just an honest and truthfully long over do bit of self-examination. When Sean took over Daddy duty tonight, I realized that by taking care of her right now, he is actually loving me first. But how have I done that for him lately? The hard truth is, I really haven't.

As a mom to a little one, it's easy to use the excuse of "oh, they just require so much time and love and care when they are so little." I'm even guilty of once telling my husband if he ever needed to be fed 12 times a day and have his diaper changed equally as often, then I would promise to devote as much attention to him as I was to my newborn. (I was really sleep-deprived then! I'm not really that horrible!) But my point is, it's really difficult to find balance between loving my husband first and foremost while also loving my daughter who requires so much attention.

Before God blessed me to become a mom, he allowed me to become a wife first. That is and always will be my priority, second only to living and serving as a child of God. But somewhere between the diapers, sippy cups, stroller rides and park trips, I've neglected my first calling- wife. Yes, motherhood is a calling, too. A beautiful, blessed one wherein we would all be useless if it were not for the calling of our own mothers. However, to be a good mom I must first strive to be a loving, God-fearing wife.  What does that look like in the every day life as a mom of a busy one-year-old?  Because let's face it: life is busy.  The demands of a young child (or children) are very real.  Here are some practical things I am going to try putting into practice to make sure my husband knows both how much I love him and that I will always love him first:

1. Greet him at the door (or close to it).  Get up off the floor, carefully step over the maze of toys and give him a big 'ol kiss.  Even if I'm cozied up on the couch with a cuddly babe, I'll put her down to greet Sean when he gets home.  He works hard all day long so that I can stay home with Gia all day.  Greeting him with a smile and a kiss are the least I can do.

2. Keep a happy home.  I know its not sunshine and roses all the time, but I can definitely do a better job of keeping our home a happy place to come home to.  Granted, we've been moving all this past month and its been a bit crazy.  But I want this to be a haven for my husband.

3. Use my time more wisely throughout the day.  I've already started doing this lately, and I'll share more details soon, but when I spend my time throughout the day more wisely (as in doing some housekeeping, cooking, etc) my head is in a better place to enjoy my husband.  I was the person in college who had to clean my dorm room before I could study for a test.  Having a clean, orderly space is a necessity for me, but one that is not always realistic.  In part, I need to let go of the perfection I'd like to have in my house, but I also need to use my time wisely so that I can have the cleanliness and order I desire.  Because when I have that, I am truly relaxed and enjoy the evenings more.

4. Appreciate hubby more.  Say it often, show it often.  I need to speak his love language more, and show him just how much I really do appreciate all his hard work.  It can be tempting to think, "He has no idea how hard it is to be home with a baby all day."  But that is so wrong!  Yes, its difficult, but its also a joy!  A gift!  A blessing!  And I have no idea how difficult it is to do his job with the integrity that he does, and to have the weight of our household on his shoulders.  So comparing "I have it harde than you do" is silly.  Each role has its challenges, but when we work together and truly appreciate what the other does (instead of focusing on what the other doesn't do), that helps keep the joy in it all.

So I'd love to hear from you guys... how do you keep the balance?  What are some practical ways that you consciously put forth the effort so that your husband knows he is #1?

You Might Also Like

1 Lovely Words

  1. I read your blog before Whitney was born. I came to check back tonight and came across this post - it is JUST what I needed to read tonight. Thank you!


Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'd love to hear from you!