"I love a good provision story."

My sister left that comment on my Facebook page after I wrote a status about how we were praising God as our Jehovah-jireh. And she's right... who doesn't love a good provision story? Afterall, God tells us time and time again that he will provide for us. He provides for the birds of the air, the fish of the sea... how much more value are we to him? So why should we doubt his provision?

Yesterday, I wasn't exactly doubting his provision, I was just having a pity party. I was allowing Satan to creep in feelings of fear and doubt. We got yet another bill from the hospital where I delivered Gia, saying that they had not heard from us and were sending our account to collections if we did not contact them immediately. I was frustrated to the point of tears because we had been in contact with them about our account, so I didn't know why we'd gotten the letter of delinquency. Almost a month ago, I submitted our request for financial assistance with some of the hospital bills from Gia's delivery. I'm not one who like to ask for or even take a hand out, but given the fact that Sean had been unemployed since October of last year and I'd not been working since February, our life savings was dwindling and we were living in Sean's dad's basement at the time of her birth, we probably qualified for some kind of reduction in our bill.

So yesterday, after receiving the letter, I was so frustrated. In tears frustrated. Sean was home for lunch and Gia was napping so I made a quick run to the Post Office just to get out of the house. When I got back home, I was geared up to call the hospital and tell them that indeed, I had been following up on our account balance, and that I had applied for the financial aid, blah blah blah. When I gave the woman my account number, she took a few seconds to look it up, then said "We show you have a zero balance for your account."

I was confused for a second, and I thought she meant we had paid zero on our account. I was getting ready to say something like, "Yes I know, but....." when she said "Your application for financial assistance was accepted and we granted you 100% assistance."

WHAT?!?! I was floored! I stumbled over thank-you's as I got off the phone and called Sean, again in tears. They erased our debt! Sure, its just one of several bills that we still have to pay, but God provides! Just a few minutes earlier, I was uncertain of how we were going to squeeze in another monthly payment for medical bills, and now it was taken care of.

In truth, a few minutes earlier, I had doubted the faithfulness of God. Sure, I didn't put it in as many words, and didn't really say outloud that I was doubting the provision of God, but I felt it in my heart. That quick conversation with Hospital Billing was both a relief and a conviction. God provides. I know this. I've experienced it before. We're all living by faith to some degree, right? I guess lately, though, my degree of faith has lessened to the point where I just wonder how long I will have to suffer before God 'pulls through' for us. And that's wrong. God is good all the time-- whether we have plenty or have little. When life is easy or life is hard. When seasons are beautiful or season are bleak. God is still GOD.

So I guess to say I was humbled yesterday is an understatement. I was immediately repentful of
the doubt revealed in my heart and felt much like the father in Mark 9... "Lord I believe! Help my unbelief!" So... there's our good provision story! Just like God provided Abraham with a sacrifice, the Israelites with manna, Jesus with food for a multitude, fish and birds with sustenance and many countless other stories of God's undeserved provision, I praise him as our Jehovah-jireh!