Better Than Life

Sunday, December 13, 2009

I've been reading through the Psalms and have been finding great strength, hope and comfort from them. However, a couple of nights ago I came across one that has been giving me fits ever since I read it. Here it is:

Psalm 63:3 (New International Version)

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

You may wonder what my problem is with this verse... afterall, I've read it countless times and its even in the lyrics of many songs. Every time I have read this verse in the past or called it to mind, it has been during a tough time in my life. Its always been a comforting reminder to know that my God's love is so much better than this sometimes messed-up, difficult, painful life we live. Because God's love is better than our pain, we will sing his praises.

However, in light of our current trial, I am really having a hard time with this verse-- just being honest here. I'm reading this verse from a completely different perspective. You see, there is nothing that I would love more right now than for my little girl to have life. I desperately want to hold her as she breathes in her first breaths of life, lay her on my chest and feel her body move ever-so slightly as she sustains that life, and put my ear on her tiny chest and listen to the rhythm of her heart beating. Right now, in my human brain, there can be no better thing than life for my little girl.

But this verse is telling me differently. This verse means that God's love is EVEN BETTER than Whitney ever taking a breath, ever crying a tear, or ever falling asleep in my arms. This tells me that yes, God's love is better than all my pain and all the sorrow that this life brings, but it also means that God's love is even better than the best thing that I can imagine at this moment. And that's hard for me.

Please don't think for a second that I am losing my faith or becoming bitter at God because I'm not. Of course I know in my head that His love truly IS better than anything. I know that, I feel that, I believe that. I know that God is not causing any of this to happen, and that our trials do not change the fact that God is good all the time. But the thought of losing Whitney adds a whole new dimension to my understanding of God's love. His love is ... deeper... stronger... better... and far more intimate and personal than I have ever imagined before and because of that, I can praise Him thru our storm. I also have my dear daughter to thank for helping me to see the true greatness of our God's amazing, unfailing, never-changing love. And that is knowledge that will live with me forever.

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