This Thing Called Hope

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sean and I had another dr. appt. today... and as is par for the course, we came out with no more information than we walked in with. We are still waiting on the results of our amnio, and after that our doctor will hopefully have a better idea of what kind of care plan we will make for the rest of our pregnancy.

As we were leaving, Sean and I were talking about how we just can't help but feel hopeful that God will perform a miracle and heal our daughter. If the amnio comes back with no chromosomal abnormalities, there is plenty of time for most of the abnormalities that we have seen on the ultrasound to be healed and corrected. This hope that we have in her healing is so strong at some moments, and nearly non-existant in other moments.

I have never felt "hope" as strongly and urgently as I have in these past few weeks. But as we left the doctor today, I started to wonder, what happens when all that we've hoped for doesn't come true? If this is what you call hope, what do you call it when all that you've hoped for and believed in is gone? We jokingly came up with a 'colorful' term for this opposite-of-hope, but I've still been thinking about it all night.

I've finally realized that as a Christian, I always have hope... I have the hope of heaven, the hope of salvation and the hope of Christ. The hope of our daughter being healed may some day fade away, but hope itself never has to leave. It all depend on the one in which I put my hope in. If my hope is truly in Christ, then hope will never be lost. I may grieve the outcome if it is not what I had 'hoped' for, but my eternal hope that someday everything will be right never has to go away.

I still have moments of 'high hopes' that our Whitney will be healed, often followed by moments of despair at the 'what-ifs'. But I am trying to really check myself and ask where it is that my hope truly lies.

"May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit."

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